Als wenn er seinen Daumen noch weiter mit seinen Schneidezähnen bearbeitete, dann würde er auf der Bühne aber wirklich was zu erklären haben, dann wäre der Daumen nämlich sowas von ab!

Schnellen Schrittes war er durch die VIP Area geschritten und hatte schließlich gefunden wonach er suchte: Einen der kleinen Trailer den Freunde von ihnen gebucht hatten um sich zwischendurch frisch machen zu können. Und wenn man sich einfach mal zurückziehen wollte. Schon seltsam, dass man Geld ausgab um hier zu sein und dann noch mehr Geld um dabei nicht unter ständiger Beobachtung zu sein, aber nachdem er gerade auf sein Handy geschaut hatte, verstand Eric die Wichtigkeit dieses Themas nur nochmal umso mehr. Ganz abgesehen davon, dass es hier unglaublich heiß war und auch wenn Hwangsa in Seoul eine ernste Sache war... der Staub, der hier durchs Valley flog, war wirklich eine ganz andere Hausnummer. Warum trafen sich die Reichen und Schönen jedes Jahr genau hier zusammen? Ach, ja, weil man sich hier nicht rechtfertigen musste, warum man extrem wenig Kleidung zu einer Riesen-Party trug.

Erics Laune war - wie man merkte - gerade nicht so richtig gut.

Als er den Trailer nach kurzem Klopfen betrat, war außer Yongsun Gott Harry Styles sei Dank nur eine gemeinsame Freundin vor Ort, eine der wenigen die von ihnen beiden wusste. Naja. Weil sie sie beide schon viel zu oft über die Jahre knutschend auf irgendwelchen Fluren erwischt hatte, wenn sie sich gerade mal wieder vertragen hatten. Eric nickte ihr nur zu und ließ sich dann aber auf einen Stuhl neben seine Freundin fallen, die gerade etwas trank das nach Saft aussah. "Hey" gab Eric erstmal leise von sich, man merkte sofort, dass ihm gerade nicht nach Spaß war. "I really really don't want to kill the mood but I think... I think the photos have finally gone a little viral in Korea."

The photos.
Die die beunruhigenderweise im Internet aufgetaucht waren und aber bisher erstaunlich wenig Aufmerksamkeit bekommen hatten, ihre Label hatten sie aber trotzdem auf dem Schirm.
Die Fotos mit ihm direkt neben ihr, besorgter Blick, viel zu nahe.
Die Fotos mit Erics Hand auf Yongsuns Bauch.

Life couldn’t be any better! – at least that’s what her friend had told her just a moment ago. Just before Eric had joined them, sporting a frown on his lovable face – even though he should be happy, since he’d be one of the top acts for tomorrow – she was so proud of him and so so happy for him, too. But his vanished good mood from earlier made her put down her glass of juice and turn to look at him – as much as she could turn, with that huge baby belly in front of her, nudging his side softly.

The smile which had graced her lips just a moment ago slowly collapsed – though it was not because of the photos themselves but because she had totally forgotten about those and remembered them just now – perfect timing for pregnancy brain to kick in, not so much. ”Ohhhh! Those photos!”

Now that she knew which photos he meant, she understood why his mood had dropped. It had been one of those moments where you just don’t think at all, where there had been a ton of different things much, much more important than being cautious about how they acted in front of each other out in the open. They hadn’t even realized someone had taken pictures of them until those pictures suddenly turned up on the internet, shortly after the accident at Han River. But even back then, other things had been more important, so those photos – thankfully – didn’t blow up. Seems like now they did. So now they had to act on that, right?

Yongsun was used to being in charge of everything, always knowing what to do but now she was at a loss for words, her mind just went blank – again – and then something buzzed.
Her phone – her management texting her like rapid fire. ”Oh god. Ohhhh god. They saw it as well.”
Well, now she looked like the rabbit caught in the headlights.
Her hand grabbed his shirt as if she was trying to keep herself steady, keep herself from panicking – even though her face told a different story. "We should act on that, shouldn't we? Or should we ignore it? Hope for it to soon be dead and buried?" So much for her being the one to keep her composure at all times. Someone laughed – not her, but her friend because they should know full well that was just wishful thinking. For those news to die down quickly.
Not that she wouldn't want to tell the whole world about her pregnancy and Eric and her soon-to-be parents-situation. She wouldn't mind doing so in the US but in South Korea? That was like a whole different world. Different standards and different viewpoints on unexpected pregnancies. And on top of that Eric and her were no ordinary people but Korean idols and idols had to live under different rules and regulations than ordinary people did.

Eric had just moved his chair closer to Yongsun so he could be closer to her as well, when she grabbed his shirt. It wasn't hard, but harder than her usual deminour, but he got it. Carefully he unwrapped her hand from the fabric and scooted even clower. One leg behind half behind her chair, one now pressed against hers from the side. One arm around her back, his fingers slowly moving over her neck, the other one on her lap. Close to the baby. But that was more subconcious.

"Yeah, probably... but..."

Es war so dumm. Weil es halt unvermeidbar war irgendwo. Außer sie rissen aus und lebten ab jetzt in Chille oder so. Und gleichzeitig wollte er sie so gerne davor bewahren. Es schien was ihr "Problem" (ein Problem, welches gleichzeitig ihr Glück war. Wild.) anging mehrere Schichten an Wahrheit zu geben, mit denen sie sich schmücken konnten. Von "Yongsun ist krank und muss ein paar Monate abtauchen" zu "Sie kriegt ein Kind" zu "Sie kriegt ein Kind von Eric". Er war bereit zu tun was nötig war, aber wollte vermeiden, dass sie am Ende schlechter da stand als sein musste.

"You know... these messages our companies prepared. They are final if they post them... sorry, of course you know that, not sure why I said that like that... but what i mean is... if we ask them to post them now... it is out there. Maybe... we should wait until we are in a safe place. At least. Or back home..."
Erst jetzt fiel Eric wieder siedend heiß sein Auftritt morgen ein. Oh Gott. Das war der größte Schritt den seine Karriere genommen hatte, dass er hier auftreten konnte und jetzt... "I should... I should cancel." überlegte er laut. "...ugh, but then they will know something is up." Hörbar atmete der junge Mann aus und ließ dabei leicht die Schultern hängen, sein Griff aber immer noch fest um seine Freundin gelegt. Sie waren wirklich wirklich am schlechtesten Ort um so etwas zu erfahren und entscheiden.

Her head flies around, the second he dares to say the word cancel. Gaze piercing, she looks at him, as if he was crazy. Hell no. He would not cancel this performance. Something he had worked so damn hard for. His first performance as an independent artist. That’s not something you cancel, just because it gets complicated. How she would love to tell him that, – instead she stares him to the ground, or that’s what she told herself she’s doing.

His fingers on her neck drive her crazy. Not in a bad way, but in a way that’s more than inappropriate regarding the current situation. Still, she can’t help but close her eyes and revel in the feeling that’s slowly but surely suppressing the panic she had felt just moments ago. Her neck tingles and the tingling sensation slowly spreads across her body, leaving her with goosebumps all over. And the feeling of burning up, even though his fingers are cool to the touch. Her fingertips tap against the glass of juice, she slowly opens her eyes again and follows her movement, trying to focus on something else than him and what this simple touch does to her. Clouding her thoughts bit by bit – and her gaze as well.

“Eric” Yongsun whispers his name with that certain undertone, softly patting his cheek with her left hand. ”You won’t get any of this,” – she gestures to her overall body – ”until the very end of this pregnancy if you dare to cancel the performance. This is your big chance to be seen by more than Nam Nation and you’re going to take it.” Her voice sounds silvery but her gaze is clouded. She puts her left hand atop his hand on her lap and squeezes it. Her friend’s voice reaches her ears but before she realizes what she said the trailer door clicks, and they’re alone — just the two of them. ”You know, I’d love to let the world know, right? About us. About this.” She guides his hand below her dress and onto her belly, slowly rubbing circles – because she needs this, his hand on her body, especially on her pregnant belly. ”Do you think it's better to wait and have them guess and come up with rumors, instead of telling them now?" But if they do decide to release statements: which version of the truth should they put out there?

Honestly, even he might have had good arguments before, now he doesn't.
The fact that Yongsun keeps surprising him in everyday life is one of the main reasons he loves her so much. He knows her and yet... he is constantly catching up. And now he can't help but look at her body. The concept of 'asking for it' is bullshit but in this case... Yongsun kinda did. And he complies.
A little "What?" escapes his lips. Not in protest, but simply because he is flabbergasted that she would say something like that right now. Next second she guides his hand under a dress and for a split second Eric really believes that her belly is not the desired destination.

What she is trying to say needs a second to register, but then does.
Of course she is right. This - Coachella - is so big for him. Would be for anyone really.
But his life with her is bigger and even more important.
Yongsun is asking a question but also implying an answer.
"No... I don't." He agrees because she is right. He would rather have it come out on their own terms, but that option seems to fleet more and more. The pictures...
His fingers are slowly moving across her skin, trying to focus on what is important. What is right. But he doesn't have the answer. He just knows he has to protect her. Them.
"You really want to publish it? Now?" he says, his voice quiet, almost in tiny. He is scared and that is very obvious. But if that is what she wants he will do it. And then their lives will change forever, but that would be okay because a. they are already changing. With every day they are moving closer to that nine months mark. And b. this will get out, rather sooner than later. So maybe she is right.
Argh. It's so hard to concentrate, and why is she looking at him like that?

His fingers moving across my skin make me feel things I can’t even begin to describe. I’d like to stay focused on this discussion, I really do. But it’s so hard. He makes it so hard for me – of course, it's him, not me. I look at him and I just know he is thinking the same thing. Which makes me smile a little bit because that’s how good we know each other. We did have more than enough time to get to know each other over the years. More than once. The smile turns into a cheeky grin as I let go of his hand and slowly have my fingertips dance up and down his thighs.

Publish it now – not so sure.
Later? Definitely, yes.
Though, it depends on what he wants and does. And on how long this feeling is going to stay before I feel tired again. I did feel tired before he turned up, so it’s very much possible I’ll soon feel the same way, once again. Or maybe I don’t. Sometimes it’s confusing for me as well. But right now I do know what and who I want.
”Now? Not so sure, if I want to do that just now.” My voice should make that very clear. It might be unfair to him, but then again, if he complies, who am I to stop this before it really started?

I place my hands on his chest, definitely need to steady myself, or I might fall into him. Wouldn’t complain about that either, though. Funny how we’ve known each other for years now and we still manage to surprise each other. Because I’m pretty sure, I did surprise him, just now. I get as close to him as possible, put my hand on his neck and press my lips against his. Soft, feathery, soon more passionate. Honestly, I could stay like this for hours and it would be enough for me.

Maybe we even did stay like this for hours, who knows? The only thing I do know is that my phone is buzzing, buzzing, buzzing.
Again and again and again.
And for every buzz I let my fingertips dance deeper down his chest, trying to ignore it this way, even though it gets harder with every annoying
buzz
buzz
buzz.

Birth is a miracle of nature.
Because there is a whole ass human growing inside of Yongsun that we have created together.
But also because for some reason I have stepped into an alternate dimension where a situation like this turns into... well.

I am still crouching in front of the chair when she kisses me, touches me. Soon my breath is heavy against her lips. While my head is still a bit in shock, my body knows where this is going and is so on board. A few seconds pass and they are ticking away in time with heart beats and phone buzzes and our lips touching. Our tongues touching. And I don't quite know when exactly it happens but at some point my hands move around her and we get up together. Lips never stopping a beat. Open-mouthed kisses, tongues teasing and my hands on the outside of her thighs. Moving under her dress over her ass. And then dip inside her panties to get a better feel. Not sure what is wrong with me, I should know better. That this is not the moment but I can't resist and even if I could... I would say that I can't deny her what she wants. Never was good at that.

So my hands grab and push her body closer into mine, lips still intertwined, one hand now moving up... as long as I can feel her skin under my fingertips I am absolutely sure nothing bad can happen. Hand only disappears for a second to grab for that damn phone on table blindly. And turn it silent.

We both essentially know this might not be the best way to deal with this situation right now, but I don’t care about that. It makes me feel better and I need that right now – those last weeks were exhausting and I felt horrible. Also, I’m sure Eric could use that kind of distraction as well. He’s been so on edge about Coachella and his performance tomorrow, that he definitely needs to relax, one way or the other. Especially after those photos went viral all of a sudden. But that’s not something I want to think about right now.

Somehow the phone stopped buzzing and my mind focuses on the important things, again. His hands on my body, fingertips dancing over my skin. Over his skin as well. His breath is hot and heavy against my lips. Reminds me of how all of this happened – me being pregnant. Though we were in a safe space, back then. At home, where no one could barge in at any second.

And maybe that’s the moment I remember where we are. This is no safe space. I don’t even know if the blinds are closed. I don’t even know if my friend closed the door properly, on her way out. But his touch and his breathy kisses pull me closer into him. It’s as if he tries to make me forget about everything else other than us. Right now we have all we need. Us.

Still, we should at least go somewhere more … private. ”We should –” I gasp for air, open my eyes, and look at him. Gosh he’s so handsome. ”Go somewhere more private, don’t you think?” I smirk as I make him go backwards, so we can leave this sitting area behind us and move to the back of the trailer. Though we’re stumbling more than anything, small laughter bubbling up between breathy kisses and little nothing’s whispered against each other’s lips and face.

Triggerwarnung: mention of sexual acts

For a second I think she means she wants to go back to the hotel. And while I would accept that of course... I am so glad it's not what she means because my skin is on fire and my pants are tight. Instead she drags me to the back of the trailer. Big thanks to the person who realized that even trailer doors should have locks, the door audibly clicks behind us after I have locked it. And then thanks for air conditioning because it is a million degrees outside and I am getting so hot even with the AC on that without it we would have probably already collapsed.

My mouth glides over the skin of her neck. Lazy, sloppy open-mouthed kisses. The tip of my tongue circling across her collarbone. It's not like it is news to me that my girlfriend is super hot and I can't explain it but I want her so much right now. I want to mess up our hair and touch her hold her grab her. I love Yongsun so much, but when we started hooking up, we knew what this was about so there was hardly ever any shame involved. I liked that she told me what she wanted. Told her what I wanted. How much I wanted it. We would sneak around and were reckless at times. What we have now is even better and I would never trade in 'making love' with the woman I love for fucking around but it just reminds me of then. Especially when my hands find her panties again and simply drop them, help her out of then. And then my mouth finds its way down her body and I kneel. Push her to the bed. One hand on each knee.

Triggerwarnung: mention of sexual acts

God damn it, I haven't felt this good in weeks and it's about to get even better. He knows what he's doing and what it does to me. Honestly, I'm thankful for lying on that bed because otherwise, my knees would've turned into jelly. He makes me melt like ice cream on a hot summer day. My mind went blank the moment I could feel his warm breath, feel his tongue - tingling, teasing me. And I love every second of it. I love how his fingertips wander up and down my thighs - makes me giggle and try to catch my breath at the same time which must sound pretty weird, but I don't care.

Ever since we started hooking up there was no shame at all. We were reckless, and stupid at times. Honestly, it's a wonder no one heard us or knew about us earlier. Because at one point we both just don't care anymore. One hand grabs the bedsheets, and the other grabs his hair, not too soft but he makes me lose my mind, so softness is about to vanish into thin air. ”Oh my god Eric. I love it when you do it like that.” Nothing more than a whisper, while my hand slowly pushes his head down, bit by bit. Just a teensy bit more and I'll see stars soon. I can feel my heartbeat quickening just as much as my breathing is getting heavier by the minute. Much quicker than usual, but I guess that's because of those pregnancy hormones and because I haven't had that in months. Him. Being crazy for me like he was back then when it was all about getting physical whenever we met at parties or after boring events.